Front Porch Review
A literary magazine for the young of heart and mind

By executive order
carbon dioxide
is declared
a noxious gas
…a pollutant
……a climate destroyer.

Every citizen
…and legal resident
……and illegal alien
is hereby ordered
to observe strict limits
on its production
and to restrict
all uncontrolled discharge
into the atmosphere.

Those patriots
who voluntarily cease all respiration
may do so without charge,
and their names
...will be greenly inscribed
……on a biodegradable memorial
honoring enviroheroes who have made
the ultimate sacrifice.

All continuing breathers
will be issued petite breathalyzers,
stylishly worn over the face,
that are designed
…to blush bright red
……and beep rapidly
when the personal emission limit
is exceeded.

For those physically unable
to exercise adequate control,
a special indulgence is hereby granted,
permitting them to channel
…all inhaling
……and exhaling
through an approved breath-recycling device
snugly worn on the chest or back.

All should take careful note
that compliance will be continuously monitored,
and all persons
who do not adequately limit their emissions
may be sentenced to shallow breathing
…in a hermetically-sealed greenhouse
……with respirationally-matched plants.

Finally, stern warning is hereby given
that those recalcitrant miscreants
who totally reject their planetary obligations
are subject to involuntary demetabolization
……followed by composting.

By Joe Glaser

Joe Glaser was a successful business technocrat who, upon retirement, morphed into a perpetual student of the liberal arts and sciences. No one was more surprised than he. A perceptive observer of human nature from many angles, Joe has discovered the power of poetry for sharing insights, emotions and humor. He also pursues candid travel photography and enjoys finding natural vignettes that display the human condition in interesting ways. He says it beats the hell out of working.